After you have poured your cup and are finished with a jug of orange juice, what is your natural intention? To put the lid on. If you missed that it’s probably all YOUR fault.
Once upon a time, three days a go, I lived with my massive family. I am the oldest son of eight, soon to be ten.** We have lived together in discombobulated harmony for as long as I can remember. We all love each other and we have a quite enjoyable family. But upon this particular evening love was nowhere to be found, which means that comedy was everywhere, as well as the kids.
I walked into the kitchen craving a glass of orange juice. As I scanned the kitchen, I saw what seemed to be a Katrina disaster zone bombarded with debris. My Mom was wearing a gas mask and was working mainly with a snow shovel. We had decided to eat lunch at home after church…. Yeah that was a mess. As I walked into the kitchen, I headed towards the refrigerator ducking behind various children’s toys, sixteen highchairs, and some small, naked children. Avoiding eye contact with the mother was the key; once eye contact is made you are roped in and are now a "volunteer" for the Save the Kitchen Foundation. Not wanting a death sentence, I successfully sneaked pass my mother, opened the refrigerator and pulled out my favorite jug of Tropicana orange juice. Oh, how I love Tropicana Orange juice. As I pulled out my juice, my excitement steadily began to build. My excitement grew so much in fact that my body began to shake uncontrollably—Far to strong for my weak-willed, juice-infatuated mind to contain. Laughing and snorting, I began wildly shaking my Jug O’ Juice* every which way. I quickly realized that the last person to use the orange juice, had not securely put the lid onto the Jug. Oh, how this perturbs me. But still unable to restrain my flailing arms I swung the juice all over the place, this way and that, drenching the already disastrously filthy kitchen. Some way or another, I’m not sure how, my Mother’s attention was captured by the raging lunatic with the orange juice. And now I have joined the Save the Kitchen Foundation.
**My Mom’s not pregnant (That would be gross)
*That is not a sexual connotation
This is a collection of my favorite posts that have been gathered over the last year. They were the ones I thought were worth keeping. They cover the board from friends and family, to my Lord and savior. And... if your lucky, you might find a laugh or two somewhere in between.
I sure enjoyed writing these and I really hope you enjoy them as well. Thank you for reading.
I sure enjoyed writing these and I really hope you enjoy them as well. Thank you for reading.
